Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
