im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
