I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
