she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
