The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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