it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
