he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
