I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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