and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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