yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
