Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You know, be my cock's hype man.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
