He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
