so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
