pop tarts are not kleenex
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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