if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
