you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
