I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
