i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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