Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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