He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
