theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
