my phone needs a breathalizer
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
