Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
