i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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