i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
