I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
