i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
