the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
