Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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