I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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