are you still at the devil's house?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
