So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
