we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
