I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
