Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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