you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
