Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
