This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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