he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
