Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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