He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
