did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
