u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
