i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
