Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
