We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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