Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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