Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
