$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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