i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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