i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
