i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
me + whiskey = a bad person
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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