So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
