She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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