not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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