let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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