if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Randomize
