Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
