brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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