i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
