Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
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