you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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