Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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