fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
