Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Watching her eat just hurts me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize