What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
