You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize