You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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