you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
