Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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